Til Death Do Us NOT!
by deliciously Dee
The other day I was in the super market and a woman stopped and asked me, her thinking I worked there, where the baking isle was. As I am no newbie to that market I directed her no problem, but not before she realized I was not an employee. LOL The woman and I began conversing and she was the sweetest thing. She complimented me on “How beautiful you are”, I replied with a blushing “Thank You” and then she proceeded to tell me about her grandson and how he was single. LOL She asked me if I was married or had any kids. I replied with a “NO…”
and this is how the convo went
Deliciously Dee (Me) :
“No, I am not married, I don’t really see that for myself, but I am sure your grandson is a really nice guy.”
“You DON’T plan on getting married?” (with a morbid look on her face) “ But don’t you want kids?”
Now I probably at this point should've shut my mouth…but of course for shits and giggles (I continued)
“ I may one day, but I don’t need a husband to do that. I would be comfortable raising a child by myself.”
(even more morbid face) “Oh my no sweetheart, you don’t mean that. You will get married one day for certain, you are too pretty, you will find your prince charming soon enough” and then patted me gently on my lower back with assurance.
(my response with absolute No Shame in my Game)
Deliciously Dee (Me) :
“Naaaaaaaaa, its too expensive to get rid of the mother F***** when you want too!” (with a laugh) and ended whiles walking away with a “Have a good day now” with a wink and a smile :)
**So hence that convo, it of course inspired me to do this Blog/Vlog so before you guys comment with the “No Dee, you will find someone…” or some sort of religious belief just hear me out first. Then , but of course - by all means - comment below! :)
In America, as of the ending of 2016, about 40-50% of married couples in United States end in divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is shockingly even higher. Around 67% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.
Now …I am a numbers kind of woman.
So in knowing these numbers I also must look at my personal experience and friends/families experience. Truth is, I personally don’t know too many couples that are truly happy. Most of the couples I know have already been married once and are divorced now, some on their second marriages. I also know many individuals that were raised either by their mothers solely or their fathers due to one of their parents leaving. My nephew in fact after his mother passed - his father left and he has been being raised by his grandmother since he was eight years old. All of these circumstances and events that I have shared with these friends and my family rather its being there while they vent about their horrible heartless ex’s or its helping them out by picking up there kids from school for them - it has been made clear that the marriage thing - I just don’t see it for me.
People grow apart. I for one have grown a lot in my life. I can honestly say I am not the same as I once was in my teens or twenties as I am now in my thirties. I have grown very much as a person mainly in moving out of my comfort zones and getting into others. I moved from the state I grew up in: found other states to claim as home for different periods in my life. I have dated different men and also women in those times. To me love is love and it doesn’t matter what sex or race you are. And in looking back at whom I have dated and shared periods of my life with…I look back and - I think - what if I married that person and was married with that person today, maybe with kids…STUCK. That honestly gives me a panic attack, 100%. I am a different woman than I was when I was with those individuals. We grew apart whiles we were together and now with all that time apart we are definitely all different people who followed our own roads to where we are today. Which is fine. You will grow away from people as you will from certain relationships in your life. It is very normal to do so, but most look at it in a sad way verses just simply smiling and reminiscing on the times you once shared together.
To me, all of that is just a soul having too much dependence on another soul. Why is it we must “own” someone for the rest of our lives? For what reason? Why cannot we just both be together because we want to be and then when we grow apart we grow apart? We are able to leave without unnecessary unhealthy behaviors and actions that as I have witnessed, as many of us have, brings out the most ugliness in people. You then see people treat someone they once “loved” in the most cruelest of ways just to what…”get even” ? I don’t see someone do those things and then also have the belief that they once really "loved" that person. I see that as it was all just a need for “control”.
Now, OF COURSE, there will be souls that are lifers in your life. I am NOT saying there wont be. And if marriage is for you - to each their own and you may be one of those souls that married their best friend. It happens of course and I know of a few.
Some of those souls you don't marry and become your dearest friends. Always hold on to those because those friends are your family. I have been blessed with, again, a few.
But to be very real. Most people will come and go. That is life and growth. I find most people find that depressing as in the “bff’s forever” or the terribly phrased “Til death do us part” deal as in if it doesn’t work out “life as they know it is over’ … now..WHY? That seems, again, like dependence to me…as I have found things I enjoy and love as I have people to love that loosing one thing doesn't and won't ever have “life over as I know it!” People are temporary. As are events and life itself.
So the whole marriage thing …Its just NOT for me.
Now granted, there are many reasons two people decide on getting married other than the disney fabrication of “true love” and finding ones “prince charming”
People get married for
- tax benefits
- health benefits
- trophy wives
- and then there is having kids (which I’ll never understand)
“It takes a village to raise a child is a proverb that leverages the cultural context and brief that it takes an entire community to raise a child: A child has the best ability to become a healthy adult if the entire community takes an active role in contributing to the rearing of the child.”
And BOOM - RIGHT THERE states my beliefs on raising a child. I grew up in a small town as most of you know, however my parents where both very well cultured. My father had lived over seas in many different countries being it that my grandfather was in the Air Force. So I was blessed to have a couple raise me outside of just themselves. And that's where I have seen where raising a child goes wrong.
Closing off your child to the world and sugar coating everything for them but certain unproven beliefs you may share is WRONG in every way shape and form and prevents your child from self growth and having awareness. You have then built a temporary veil over, or wool rather, that only allows them to see the world from one single view, leaving their world closed - as in turn in this closed world will have their minds be closed as well. Which is what is so very wrong with this country and our world. Our children have become dependent, they lack acceptance, and fear change or the different.
I believe I could very easily and greatly make and raise a beautiful child because I have beautiful friends and family that I keep around me. My family and friends, I know will show my child and open that child to different worlds/cultures/beliefs/ and knowledge to make them the best soul they could be and will raise them to live their life without dependence. Because I believe that every soul is different. It DOES take a village to raise a child. Your child may not share the same interests as you and thats okay and should be taught to them that it is okay. But others you keep in your village can teach your child skill sets you may not possess opening up their world to passions your child may enjoy. We must raise our children to embrace their interests and passions into a skill and then to perfect that skill.
What I am saying to you all is. You DON’T and SHOULDN'T “HAVE to get married”. Society has molded us in a way that we are programed and expected to get good grades -> graduate -> go to college -> graduate again -> get a job -> get married -> buy a house with a labrador, pop out some kids …(sound familiar?) And I will tell you I believed that…and I actually some what started that whole process, a little out of order but:
I went to school -> graduated -> college -> graduated again -> bought a house at 24 years old -> got a husky (the ex got him and still miss him every day) —> BUT YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? —->
My sister past (this changed everything), relationship fell apart because I was dependent on him being there for me through my sisters death and he wasn’t - and I was alone. The market crashed and here I was stuck in a house I couldn't sell - oh yeah I graduated but student debt and the fact that you aren't guaranteed a job to pay that loan when you get out, well …
So obtaining this societies “checklist” didn’t work out for me did it? You know what… it didn’t work out for many others as well.
I look back right now on the expected program from society and I realize doing those things - DID NOT make me happy. It in fact created more misery for me in my life.
You know what did make me happy? What really made me happy? It was finding out different things that I loved and what I loved to do and then figuring out how to make money doing those things. (so you can keep doing those things and also eat) I found people and souls that I loved spending time with and creating things with and I spend time and create with those people. I enjoy my life and those in my life!
So my beliefs are : LIVE YOUR LIFE! With NO APOLOGIES and make yourself HAPPY! You may mortify an old woman, but who cares - DO IT! Figure out what you want to do in life and DO IT! If you aren't sure what you love to do, you may need to move or remove yourself from your comfort zone and find what you truly love. I did, it took moving from VA to the legal state of NV - and I have never been happier! Doing what you love ensures your life won't feel monotonous or it won't feel like WORK! Being stuck in a job you hate weighs on your overall happiness and the people surrounding you’s happiness. Your overall goal in life should NOT be to get married and have kids. It should be to be HAPPY, solely yourself HAPPY - only at that point can you be happy with another company for a longer duration of time.
- deliciously Dee
! KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN !
! FOR USE ONLY BY ADULTS 21 YEARS OF AGE OR OLDER !